John (comedian)

" This article is non-canon! There have been massive revisions to the first Brick Brannigan novel, and so the events listed below are in limbo! "

A comedian/rapper using the alias Cool-John (formerly just John) was working on the Celebrity Cruise Ship as a comedian when Brick Brannigan arrived.

John initially believed that Brick Brannigan had murdered the captain, however, upon learning that Brick was merely the one who discovered the body, they teamed up to investigate the murder. A few days later, John was kidnapped around the time that Tifawt Okeke's Merry Men arrived.

John made a deal with the Merry Men that supplied him with a fake position of power aboard the ship, effectively making him a puppet leader. He transitioned to a career in rapping and adopted the name 'Cool-John', being supplied by the Merry Men with a group of assistants.

Cool-John soon challenged Brick to a rap battle and won, causing Brick to run away crying. Eventually his opponent returned for a rematch, but Cool-John refused, instead explaining his peculiar deal before kicking Brannigan off the ship. He later somehow returned Brick's speedboat to him, despite the spy being in the middle of the ocean, leaving a brief letter of apology.