Brick Brannigan/Beta canon

" This article is non-canon! There have been massive revisions to the first Brick Brannigan novel, and so the events listed below are considered a different continuity! ""'No more free coffee, I guess'"Brick "Brick" Brannigan is the lovable, zany, main—dare I say—character of the Brannigan franchise. He is an awesome spy who has adventures and saves the day. Brick Brannigan is generally considered to be really cool and is a fan favourite.

Brannigan was on a mission to defeat the Admin Alexander at his island lair, and decided to park on a cruise ship on the way to save fuel. He soon found that this was a Celebrity Cruise Ship and that the captain was dead. He briefly thought he killed Jon Hamm during a drug trip, then participated in a rap battle with Cool-John before spending the night with the mysterious Jonathan Smith. He was later thrown off the boat by Cool-John, and met a tiger before continuing his quest.

Brick reached Admin's island, and was held captive in a lethal contraption.

Backstory
Before the events of the novel, Brick was a famous spy from Britain. He achieved this by attending spy school. While he was a student, Brick learnt about the rampant bullying and realised it was a good idea to make friends. He was also educated about the human body and was often made to put on his thinking-cap that read 'dunce'. When he was bored, the young Brick would stare at the hour hand of a clock. He also developed unresolved issues with a father figure.

Eventually becoming a real spy, Brick learnt about the Villains Organisation Registry Exchange. He learnt that out of the 25 islands which have formed since the beginning of the 20th century, all had been occupied by villains apparently working for the Exchange. Over ten years, Brick defeated the first 24 villains after an intern left a USB drive in the pocket at the dry cleaners. One of these villains was Bob, who planned to patch sentience into construction machinery. Eventually only one villain was left: Admin Alexander.

On the way to Admin's island, Brick met a talking dolphin. The dolphin asked him if he had read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Brick responded, saying he had only seen the film. The dolphin confirmed that the aforementioned science fiction franchise was accurate in its depiction of intelligent dolphins, and voiced its opinion that the book is the superior version. The two parted and Brick's mission began properly.

Death of the Captain
Brick spotted a small cruise ship heading in a similar direction to his boat. In order to save fuel, he decided to park his boat on the ship. Shortly after, the ship's captain interrogated Brick about his identity and means of climbing aboard. He explained everything and those on the ship were relieved to learn that he was a notable spy of Britain and not a pirate. Brick then found a mysterious amulet. Feeling tired, but without any sleeping quarters, he decided to speak to the captain on the bridge. Unfortunately, the captain had been suddenly murdered. The amulet then started glowing.

The next morning, Brick awoke on the bridge concerned that he would be found guilty of killing the captain. He escaped the scene of the crime and bumped into some of the cruise ship's staff, quickly becoming fast friends. Brick was invited to play ultimate bowls and warned not to go to the hot tub, as it was being used to cook shrimp at that moment.

Later, Brick headed to the lounge, where a comedian-guy was telling jokes. Mistaking the event for an open mic night, Brick went up and told a joke about terrorists killing everyone with a chemical weapon known as porridge. Everyone laughed before the comedian-guy told Brick that it wasn't an open mic night. He refuted this claim and got a standing ovation. Brick then told the comedian-guy that the captain was dead. He next arrived at the hot tub, where he urinated on the live shrimp.

Pirate Takeover
Brick planned to make amends with the comedian-guy, and arranged to have breakfast with him. Although Brick had offered to pay for it, he actually planned to bail before the cheque arrived. They travelled to the 'eating suite' and discussed recent events before getting a table. Once the waitress had left, they continued their exchange. The comedian-guy was growing suspicious of Brick and the waitress wanted to know what their order was. After the comedian-guy told Brick to just call him 'John', the two of them ordered some steak and shrimp. After obtaining the shrimp, it turned out to taste awful and they realised that the shrimp was in fact stored in the hot tub. After travelling to the urine-shrimp-tub with the manager of the restaurant, Brick and John found the captain's name tag in the water. To evade suspicion, the manager showed the others a news article explaining plot-convenient new Somali laws, which the ship had to adhere to as it flew under the flag of Somalia.

The next few days Brick spent on the ship were spent playing ultimate bowls with his staff friends. He hurt his foot and had a mid-life crisis before the ship was commandeered by the Merry Men, a group of Somali pirates. Tifawt Okeke, their leader, was disappointed to hear that the captain was dead as he could not say he was the captain now. After Brick introduced himself, Tifawt jokingly stated that he was Brick Brannigan now. Brick was growing to like the Merry Men when Tifawt decided he actually did want to be named Brick Brannigan.

Brick heard John get kidnapped, but apart from this, he was fairly happy with the changes made by the pirates, such as the improved service at the restaurant. He got coffee and crepes for free as he shared his name with the captain. Before he could enjoy his coffee, Brick was distracted by the presence of Jon Hamm, the actor. It was at this moment that Brick realised he wasn't on any cruise ship -- he was on a Celebrity Cruise Ship. Hamm tasked Brick with solving the captain's murder, and the two of them headed to the murder scene. After putting his thinking-cap on, Brick decided that he and Hamm should do a reenactment of the murder, with Brick as the killer and Hamm as the captain. They both got so into character that Brick killed Hamm with his stabbing-knife.

At that moment, Brick Brannigan (the pirate, formerly known as Tifawt Okeke) revealed that he could see Brick's memories. Brick (the pirate) held Brick (the spy)'s cheek to focus his memories. The pirate discovered that the spy documented his life like a book due to unresolved issues with a father figure. Brick (the pirate) was so disappointed in Brick (the spy) that he changed his name to Jon Hamm to respect the fallen. After ridiculing Brick, Jon left.

The Rise of Cool-John
Brick and Hammy realised that they had just had a drug trip, having taken drugs to visualise the captain's murder. Brick spotted Hamm crossing his fingers and realised that he only made them share psychosis so that Tifawt would change his name to Jon Hamm, so that the original Jon Hamm could get free coffee. Hamm ran away, so Brick headed to the shrimp tub to relax, and was reassured to find no name tag inside.

All of a sudden, a massive parade began dedicated to John the comedian. Convinced that it was John's execution, Brick ran to find him, but was shocked when John (now going by the pseudonym Cool-John) challenged him to a rap battle. Defeated by Cool-John, Brick ran away to his room and started crying. The mysterious Jonathan Smith entered the room and proposed an alliance against Cool-John. Brick agreed as not only had Cool-John beaten him in a rap battle, but he was also ruining Jonathan's name brand, something he could relate to after the whole Somali pirate thing. Brick went to bed and debated whether he should betray Cool-John, also pondering why he doesn't have 'Brick girls' like James Bond has 'Bond girls'. This developed into a dream sequence where he was in a spy movie opening credits.

Brick woke up in a cold sweat after his nightmare. He went to the toilet before arguing with Jonathan about his name and spelling. Shortly after, Brick abandoned him for a rematch with Cool-John. The comedian/rapper started trying intimidation tactics on Brick, gesturing to his spooky assistants and breaking his glass of wine. Brick attempted to start rapping, but Cool John threw him off of the Celebrity Cruise Ship.

Lost at Sea
Brick Brannigan was left in the ocean in a small row boat, with the only other passengers being a mysterious tiger, which was briefly mistaken for a banana due to hunger, and a packed lunch bag. He slept for a night during a great storm that made his hair wet. The storm passed, and Brick started eating some cheese sandwiches from the bag, which the tiger wished to have shared with him. After an incident where he threw up over the side of the boat and another night of sleep, Brick awoke to see his speedboat, which he had last seen when he parked on the Celebrity Cruise Ship. He originally believed it to be a mirage, but soon realised that the vessel was real. Leaving the crisps from his packed lunch to the tiger, Brick returned to the speedboat and read a note from John that was left on it, apologising for initially forgetting to return it to him.

Brick started his speedboat and continued his journey to Admin Alexander's island. Ignoring the warning signs on the way, he soon reached the tropical isle.

Infiltrating the Island
Brick parked on the beach and spent an uncomfortable stretch of time walking along it. Noticing a vent poking out of the sand, he returned to his speedboat to get the tools needed to break in. Eventually getting into the vents, Brick fell down 'thing-first' into a computer room. He hacked into Admin Alexander's records and discovered his list of targets, becoming disappointed about his low position on the list. The top priority person Brannigan found on the list was someone called 'EM', but he didn't really care about that.

After searching the base for a while longer, he overheard Admin talking to his henchmen in another room. Brick returned to the air vents and watched the evil meeting from there. He then saw Admin start a PowerPoint presentation and wondered how to get one for himself. Shortly after explaining his evil plan involving the THERMOS system, Admin encouraged his subordinates to jump up and down to a beat. This damaged the structural integrity of the evil base and the roof collapsed, allowing Brick to fall through. In a tense confrontation, he soon forgot Admin's name, prompting a bout of rage from the villain. The subordinates were all ordered to carry Brick to a James Bond-style groin laser, where he was soon restrained.

Now held captive, Brick was subject to an evil speech by Admin about cheese. Eventually Admin cut his arm open and molten cheese started flowing out. Brick watched the villain fall over and die. This death seemed to activate the laser, which slowly approached Brannigan's groin, putting him in certain doom.

The Jo(h)ns
to be added

Tifawt Okeke's Merry Men
to be added

Other Relationships
to be added

Trivia

 * A significant portion of the Brick Brannigan fandom believe that Brick's series of novels exists in-universe, and that the popularity of his books helps maintain his cover, as everyone believes he is fictional.
 * Another theory suggests that Brick's whimsical, out-of-touch nature is due to him being an alien. G.R.R.R. Smith has yet to confirm or deny this theory. That's why it's a theory.

Non-Canon Appearances

 * A 1983 advert for the Honda Jazz featured Brick Brannigan chasing a villain. The villain was driving the Honda Jazz and Brick Brannigan got angry and pulled all of his hair out. Brannigan was portrayed by Liam Connery (Sean Connery's little brother).
 * Brick (in his redesign from the upcoming 'Brannigan') appears in Super Smash Bros. Rhumble (1994) as an Assist Trophy. When summoned, Brick will summon Tifawt Okeke who will summon Jon Hamm who will use their mind twin abilities to make Mario cry.